Guest Blog Post by Jason Ortiz
The family court system often offers fathers seeking more time with their children, every other weekend with their child. Two weekends a month in some justifiable manner that this is enough time to actually provide positive input in raising one's child. That is 96 hours a month, 4 days out of a 30 day month, with 26 other days away from the father.
What can one really do in 96 hours a month? Doesn't seem like alot of time. Then if you take away aout 20-24 hours of sleep and about 3 hours of travel and a couple hours for weekend homework, it sort of weens it down to about 67-71 hours a month. The family court system often stipulates that this is suffice time for a willing father to see his child when they disrespect his parental stance by only allowing him to see his child every other weekend.
The family court system is one of, if not the most gender biased system this country has (particularly in NYC). In this system, there is the willing and wanting father to not just be some part of his child's life but an integral, positive role model in this child's life. This isn't always given to the child and father as too many outside forces dictate and destroy what could be a stronger relationship.
As parents we often say we would do "whatever is best for my child" and yet so many mothers refuse to admit that their childs father should have more time in their childs lives because of personal feelings they may have about a break up or personal feelings about they way the father feels towards the mother. These mothers have lost sight of the promise to do whatever is best for their child and has set aflame a world of vindictive rage that doesn't make the "winner" of some bitte revenge but forces the child to lose on needed parental male bonding for more than these limited hours a month. Of course there are other instances that there are cowardly males who do not step forward and do justice for their children but fo those that do, fo those that fight to see their children and for those that want/need more, there has to be a better justice in such a biased and injustice system.
For example there was a case in Family Court in the Bronx where the judge (who was female) refused to allow the father to see his child(ren) while fighting for custody, despite the mother intentionally denying him this right because "She is the mother and I'm not forcing her to". Now in this case there was not only no charge of the child ever being harmed in any fasion by the father (emotionally, physically, mentally or verbally) but the mother actually admitted he was a good dad, yet, in this biased, cruel injust system, the judge made the father wait 14 months before ordering visitiation which she then ordered to be monitored by the very same mother who was opposing him in court.
Where does the role of fatherhood become of any importance in the Family Court system outside of child support?
There is another case in NYC where the judge ordered for the parents to see the court appointed court psychologist, who in turn made observations of the parents with the children seperately and then spent a considerable amount of time interviewing the parents before making the court ordered opinion on where would the child not only be safest but best place for growth in all facets. The court psychologist made a detailed explanation on why the child is better off with the father and how the mother is not able to provide the emotional support the child needs at the stage in the life the child was in at the time period and the judge clearly said "That's not enough, she is the mother". So I ask again, when is being a Father important in the court system outside of child support?
Isn't it about what is best for the child? In the years of dealing with dead-beats in a society that gloifies in some perverse manner, the negativities we have, we forgot about the great men who stand forward and want to be a continuous role model for their children and are intentionally denied because of gender or because of males before them who have absolutely nothing to do with the case they present before the judge.
Every system has flaws but when our children are impacted and affected, should we not take notice and demand better for our children? The laws have forced dead beat losers to pay child support and sadly losers of that magnitude still exist but we can demand more in a civilized manner. When one enters the family court system, it is safe to say that the mature line of communication has failed. This system should not be used as a tool of revenge but a format to fix a broken line of communication that two adults could not do as mature adults. This system is a last resort to other avenues of fair and impartial lines of communication that broke down. Should you use this system as a form of revenge without putting your child first, you are just as sick and disgusting as the dead beat loser (dad or mom) that refuses to offer self to their children. The system should never used as a pawn on a chess board but as a final line of communication where all attempts failed.
When will this horrible system that professes to give justice, do so for the very children they allege to protect?
THANK YOU BROTHER ORITZ!! I AM so in tuned with all that have illustrated concerning the unfairness of the system towards the Father and more importantly the CHILD! I convinced that the system is DESIGNED to keep BLACK family from becoming a healthy cohesive and full functioning unit. It's a set up from the word GO!! THANK YOU for expressing the thoughts I could not. Well written and defined!
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