Manhood Piece (wiseservant)

                                  My 9th Manhood development Piece

         Ride with me...

       The reason for the title is that i have written about this more than a few times, have talk, educated, fellowship, cried, hugged, expressed, and contradicted on more than a few occasions. I am a walking paradigm of constant thought on this issue as every day i face a triple consciousness dilemma . Yes i know the Great W.E.B. Dubois termed the concept double conscious ( basically being black in a white world) but I am also muslim in a heightened western world where fear rules. So i am black and muslim in a white world that  literally forces its cultural lens on ones third eye!... so every day i walk this western earth i am reminded of who i am but most importantly want i can not be. the one thing that we have been able to pass down from generation to generation is pain, misery, issues, and sometimes struggle. so how do i become and more importantly not only maintain but excel in my manhood when we live in a hyper masculine society that has also oppressed me. See for so long black men have transferred that oppression from white men in two ways on black woman and children or on themselves....

  let me say this though... being a manhood has a enormous amount of complexities in its development...usually womanhood is deemed complex but the myth is that manhood is not. As a man you have to lead but not too harsh, you have to listen but not too long, you have to act but not too brash, you have to vision but not dream to long, you have to do but don't shot out, you have to communicate but but be clear, you have to be sensitive and find balance for you own inherent aggression. You have to be calm but not too passive, Assertive but not too demanding. confident but not too controlling.... this is the tight rope.... the walk... the balance beam.... to far one way and the negative aspect will have an effect on a loved one or associate. Its such a tug and pull within in manhood, particularly when one denounces the white male standard that symbolizes. This becomes like bile in your soul as you try to rid it from your pores so there can be a healthy balance of manhood represented in your bones...

      One of the biggest mistakes i made was being judgmental... looking at older men in my community, my surrounding, my family and being extremely judgmental.... thinking i am not going to be like that when i get older.... thinking i will not do that when i get older.... not knowing that when you do get older you come across the same pitfalls, the same second guessing.. the same insecurities.. the same demons that you have to fight for they might not be those men who you watch growing up demons but they become your own.. You see children imitate their atmosphere more than they learn from who is there.... this is so true... as you find your self walking the same footsteps as your father... being at the same fork in the road as your grandfather...Then understand the choices they made you may not make those same ones but you understand ....the pressure and stress of American made manhood can crush you at times... and you know what you will always feel your father and grand father inside of you... now imagining feeling that inside of you and not understanding what it is because there where not around...

      Want to know why men leave the women in their lives and their own children? why they don't want to be around the child or be involved in the child's life? its because they cant have the child or woman look at them as a failure. They cant fail !!! For failing in the child's eyes creates damage in a Man... not being able to... and yes its the easy way out and a lot of women don't understand but its that simple.. the best thing i can do for my father now is go and tell him i understand ! when i did that our whole relationship changed, it went from my mother always being in the middle of our dynamic to it being a man on man expression ...

.... i still need to be one though ... be a man.. i need to be listened too.... learned from... respected... i need space and i need to be included... i need to feel i can express my viewpoint and it will be heeded too.... its the balance... its deli cant

i have learned:

1)  when i am with you i must be the best of me and not try to change the worse of you

2)  by being the best of me at all times it will inspire u to change the worst of u

3)  that i must have something in me that is so dynamic that it makes people go wow!

4)  that i must be so humble that it makes people go wow!

5)  that i can always learn even if its from my own children

6)  that there is a place for aggression and a lot of times is not with woman

7)  that there is a place for being sensitive and its sometimes have to be around other men

8)  that manhood is complex and each stage is a serious challenge

9)  that i must have a guide a role model, a man or men in my life that i can imitate when i need to

10)         that my realizing my imperfection is my perfection

11)         that i have to do before i say sometimes and explain what i do a lot of the times

12)         not to take myself so seriously

13)         that i need to bond with other men share expound and cultivate true brotherhood

Luqmon Abdus-Salaam aka btree aka wiseservant aka just a brother who is a poet writer performer educator photoexpressionalist thinker of art and conveyor of creativity and also community organize and does youth development and with all that is striving for all of it is a service
Oh and producer of soon to be released music project BlendedBlue
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Blessed Is the Family

Growing up the family connection was the main support system for survival.  I always say that through our families we learn how to be with others, we begin to develop our thoughts ideas and beliefs we also begin to learn how to treat or not to treat people. It seems it’s also the family’s responsibility to nurture us and help us develop, think and form social skills. I think as we grow and develop and things go wrong in our lives we often look back and question our upbringing and find our parents or caregivers guilty, guilty of being human that is.  No matter how dedicated our parents or caregivers could have ever been in raising us there may still always be the need for something more. 

Growing up my Father was and still is a good man, bread winner and one of my role models on so many levels. He was also a drunk an alcoholic on so many levels. He never thought he had a problem because he never missed a day of work. We never lacked or missed out anything. My mother worked because she wanted to not because she had to. He stayed on his job from age 19 until he retired in his 60’s. My mother took plenty of verbal and other types of abuse from my father, for years on end all because she didn’t want to break up our family. However his drinking would no longer allow her to stay in the situation.  Finally she decided that she had enough and divorced him. That divorce was one of the main reasons my middle and teen years were so troubled. Our lives changed drastically. My mother had to go back to college in her 40’s; we also were homeless for a short period of time. I missed out on many things that my father provided for us, that my mother was not able to provide. I was finishing high school, while my mother was graduating college.  Even though we made it, I had a lot of unresolved resentment against my mother for our situation and getting rid of my provider, my father.

I never understood why my father abused alcohol. At that time I had no formal understanding of what addiction even was. I knew that he also had demons and things from his childhood that he needed to fight.  I could spend a lifetime going over things that went wrong in my childhood. The people that reared us had so many things that they themselves had to contend with including unresolved issues and painful pasts.  So many times I hear of how fortunate children with two parent households are. From my own personal experiences some of those children are no more fortunate than children who are in single parent homes. Often times having two dysfunctional parents is worse than having just one. I have shared some painful childhood experiences with people whose parents have died or were incarcerated, or even abandoned them. I have close friends who grew up raised by cruel foster parents.  After hearing their stories of struggle and survival, I look at my disadvantages very differently.  I felt blessed. I realized that there were so many that surrounded me that were raised by uncaring, unloving, self destructive people whether it be their parents or whoever the caregiver was.  Even my parent’s biggest mistakes held no weight when I compare it to what others have been through. They never missed a day of loving me or my sister.

One thing I had to learn was that parents are not perfect and that things are subject to change and without notice. I don’t love my father any less because he did what he knew how to do at that time. Once I began to investigate my father’s childhood I found out that his father, my grandfather who I love and miss very much was an abusive parent and also a heavy drinker.  It helped me to understand his childhood a little bit better and not make excuses for it.  My mother was not perfect either I respect her more than ever today for not staying in any type of abusive situation. Now she helps women get out of their abusive situations. I don’t love either one of my parents any less. Whatever my experiences were they gave their best the best they could give at that time. I learned that we have to take the best that they gave us whatever that was and continue to incorporate into our lives. We have to be forgiving and willing to move forward.

I did family therapy for a few years working with families in poverty for the Head start program. I experienced some heart breaking family situations and also some very wonderful family situatuons. I learned that even children, who were clearly in abuseful and neglectful situations because of their parents, still did not want to be separated from them. That in itself taught me alot about unconditional Love and forgiveness. I love my parents today for who they were and who they are, I turned out just fine. Being a Mother myself, I only hope that my Son will forgive me for my not so perfect moments, for all of the times I came up short. For all the times I didn’t feel like being a mother. I had to unlearn so many things. I hope one day he will extend his father who is no longer in his life the same.

Our roots are a deep reflection of who we are and we can’t be afraid to take a look at those who raised us investigating our families history. Let the truth be told many of us were raised by unstable, unreliable, emotionally unavailable people. Parents who have suffered trauma, abuse, addictions, anger, and grief. People who are struggling with their own personal issues, who are fighting to bring order to their own lives much less to someone else’s.  It’s important and necessary that we put hurtful family experiences in their proper places or they will continue to resurface. How we get along with our families not only depends on them but also on us. When we build a healthy relationship with ourselves taking an honest look at who we are, we can then deal with others accordingly. Then we can proceed with understanding, compassion and grace.

Always remeber to Bless it then Release It

Namaste, Love and Unstoppable Blessings

Peace Nakia

THE INJUST JUSTICE SYSTEM

Guest Blog Post by Jason Ortiz

The family court system often offers fathers seeking more time with their children, every other weekend with their child. Two weekends a month in some justifiable manner that this is enough time to actually provide positive input in raising one's child. That is 96 hours a month, 4 days out of a 30 day month, with 26 other days away from the father.

What can one really do in 96 hours a month? Doesn't seem like alot of time. Then if you take away aout 20-24 hours of sleep and about 3 hours of travel and a couple hours for weekend homework, it sort of weens it down to about 67-71 hours a month. The family court system often stipulates that this is suffice time for a willing father to see his child when they disrespect his parental stance by only allowing him to see his child every other weekend.

The family court system is one of, if not the most gender biased system this country has (particularly in NYC). In this system, there is the willing and wanting father to not just be some part of his child's life but an integral, positive role model in this child's life. This isn't always given to the child and father as too many outside forces dictate and destroy what could be a stronger relationship.

As parents we often say we would do "whatever is best for my child" and yet so many mothers refuse to admit that their childs father should have more time in their childs lives because of personal feelings they may have about a break up or personal feelings about they way the father feels towards the mother. These mothers have lost sight of the promise to do whatever is best for their child and has set aflame a world of vindictive rage that doesn't make the "winner" of some bitte revenge but forces the child to lose on needed parental male bonding for more than these limited hours a month. Of course there are other instances that there are cowardly males who do not step forward and do justice for their children but fo those that do, fo those that fight to see their children and for those that want/need more, there has to be a better justice in such a biased and injustice system.

For example there was a case in Family Court in the Bronx where the judge (who was female) refused to allow the father to see his child(ren) while fighting for custody, despite the mother intentionally denying him this right because "She is the mother and I'm not forcing her to". Now in this case there was not only no charge of the child ever being harmed in any fasion by the father (emotionally, physically, mentally or verbally) but the mother actually admitted he was a good dad, yet, in this biased, cruel injust system, the judge made the father wait 14 months before ordering visitiation which she then ordered to be monitored by the very same mother who was opposing him in court.

Where does the role of fatherhood become of any importance in the Family Court system outside of child support?

There is another case in NYC where the judge ordered for the parents to see the court appointed court psychologist, who in turn made observations of the parents with the children seperately and then spent a considerable amount of time interviewing the parents before making the court ordered opinion on where would the child not only be safest but best place for growth in all facets. The court psychologist made a detailed explanation on why the child is better off with the father and how the mother is not able to provide the emotional support the child needs at the stage in the life the child was in at the time period and the judge clearly said "That's not enough, she is the mother". So I ask again, when is being a Father important in the court system outside of child support?

Isn't it about what is best for the child? In the years of dealing with dead-beats in a society that gloifies in some perverse manner, the negativities we have, we forgot about the great men who stand forward and want to be a continuous role model for their children and are intentionally denied because of gender or because of males before them who have absolutely nothing to do with the case they present before the judge.

Every system has flaws but when our children are impacted and affected, should we not take notice and demand better for our children? The laws have forced dead beat losers to pay child support and sadly losers of that magnitude still exist but we can demand more in a civilized manner. When one enters the family court system, it is safe to say that the mature line of communication has failed. This system should not be used as a tool of revenge but a format to fix a broken line of communication that two adults could not do as mature adults. This system is a last resort to other avenues of fair and impartial lines of communication that broke down. Should you use this system as a form of revenge without putting your child first, you are just as sick and disgusting as the dead beat loser (dad or mom) that refuses to offer self to their children. The system should never used as a pawn on a chess board but as a final line of communication where all attempts failed.

When will this horrible system that professes to give justice, do so for the very children they allege to protect?

Good Morning September

                                          GUEST BLOG POST BY AUTHOR BRANDI L. BATES

Good Morning September,

I've missed you. And as the Autumn Equinox slowly eclipses the shadow of Summer Solstice, I'm noticing that shit I used to be wholeheartedly interested in no longer inspires me. With age and wisdom comes a calmness that is inexplicable. This year brought so many changes that at times I have to question fate and the gods.

This year I've been working on my higher self and with that work came revelations. I beefed up on my social outreach. I poured myself into my foundation and went out into the streets to feed the hungry and teach literacy to at-risk youth. I lent both hands to women and children in shelters. (Boy, is that an experience everyone should encounter!)

You will have no idea how good you have it until you meet a person who has no running water, nor a roof, nor a toothbrush, nor a bed to sleep in. When you stand face to face, and are met eyeball-to-eyeball with a woman who has lost it all, now that's reality for that ass!

I started practicing the ancient Zen arts of meditation and Egyptian yoga, stopped eating meat, stopped consuming alcohol, got spiritually clean, and shattered about 300 years of generational curses. I had an epiphany after going on a 6-week pure natural juice feast. I came face to face with the GOD in me. I unplugged from the Matrix, stopped combing my mind so my thoughts would loc; locked my hair, and hung up my player card. As they would say, "I got 'on' my grown woman."

I made a vow to "Do No Harm," and became an initiate to some of the most ancient wisdom to ever incarnate on this planet, during this age. And not to go too deep, metaphysical, and otherworldly on you, but the shit I've been learning is completely pulling the veil off of 32 years of bullshit that I've been sold and told. Not only have we been bamboozled, but most of us are living an illusion.

Woke up early this morning, strapped courage around my wrist, tied a little confidence around my waist, and picked limitations and stress from my coiled crown. Did a little jig to the tunes of Corinne Bailey Rae, and munched on a Granny Smith apple, pondering what the day would bring. Stepped outside my door and saw a blue sandpaper sky with pinwheel clouds that loomed above, all puffy like Dizzy Gilespie's cheeks. And it was pindrop silent.

Those are my favorite kinds of mornings--when I can inhale and think. When it's quiet and I'm able to just be alone with my thoughts. Magical mornings such as these remind me that even in eternity, there is no yesterday and no time. And I'm reminded of all of man's social constructs, such as space and time, gender and race...the belief that we are bodies toting around a spirit.

How easy it is for us to forget that we are spiritual beings having a human experience...and worse, we have this insane belief that we are limited. Shaped and indoctrinated by the beliefs and traditions handed down to us, we blindly follow whatever we're given without question. For magical mornings such as these, I'm inclined to wonder. I wonder what else is out there that we have no knowledge or understanding about? I wonder what other figments of our imagination are backward and twisted-- ideas and ways of being that we've deluded ourselves into grasping.

I can say that as I grow, I notice that the world around me tailors itself to my thoughts. As if God tailors the universe to fit my situation--sending me men and women to help guide me through the waist-deep waters of life, pitfalls, and obstacles. I know that I've never been alone.

I know that the spirits of my ancestors are just as present as the legions of people surrounding me. And I know that they silently whisper the meaning of the wind to me. And trees, even trees, I have grown to respect trees as being prolific preachers, teaching me life lessons. Such as the power of silence and just standing and knowing that seasons come and go.

You have NO IDEA how powerful you become once you start meditating and doing yoga, focusing on what you want as opposed to the myriad things you cannot control. You have no clue how utterly magnificent you will become when you turn off the tube, put down the bottle, and channel your sexual energy into creative energy.

Fuck balancing equations, learn to balance the fuel of passion, love, and sex into something bigger than yourself. And when you can speak dynamite to granite, pray for something and watch it manifest out of nothing...or spit truth to power--it's orgasmic!

--
Brandi L. Bates
http://www.brandibates.com

“When you do common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.”

—	George Washington Carver

Staying The Course

New Beginnings
    
     My mother said to me the other day Oh so and so stopped by my office and said she is graduating from college this semester and the only way she made it through is because she held in mind what you told her. So I said WHO is  so and so.?  I had no idea of who she was even talking about. So after further discussion I remembered who this Sista was and what our conversation was about. This had been over 2 years ago when I spoke to her at a Cook out and she has revealed to me that she had lost her job after all of these years and was finding herself in a position where she needed to go back to school after trying to find employment again and was unsuccessful.  She was uncertain about many things, one being her age, another was her teenage Sons and the other was a very unsupportive husband. I saw the torment in her eyes while she told her story. But What I did say to her was to go register for school and not to be held back by what she was experiencing.  She had no confidence in her early 40’s she hadn’t been inside a classroom in years much less a college one, she had so many things to come to terms with, facing and just one thing after another. I also shared with her a little piece of my story she could not believe some of the things I had revealed to her.  I had to let her know that when we feel struggle we are not struggling alone. The only difference between her and I was how I handle things when I’m faced with adversity. So the moral of the story and the bottom line  is that this Sista is graduating from college with Honors. She stayed the course and she kept our conversation her only source of inspiration in her Heart to see her through.

Starting Over

     A very dear Sista friend who I have been friends with for at least 12 years now, went through a complete transition in her life. In a blink of an eye, she found her and her 3 children homeless and on welfare, living in a hotel.  Her loss of employment caused her to lose just about everything except for her mind. Through this time she decided to go nursing school and as I sat with her and ate lunch one day, she inspired me. What helped her was that she had recognized all of her bad choices in her life period and had no intentions on repeating them. She was at a point where she wanted better for her and her children. Life living in a hotel was not easy in one room with 3 kids.  She said nothing was more embarrassing than having a school bus pick her kids up from a hotel. As I sat with her teary eyed her strength gave me life. We talked about the system and how they make it so hard. Here she was worked all her life and needed help and they were making it almost impossible to get it. She never lost determination or hope from that hotel room. She started nursing school making top grades. Eventually she found an apartment and received help paying for it. She even met a decent brotha, who was so crazy about her and her children that he married her and provided a life for her. She also graduated school with a Bachelors degree in Nursing and finished with Honors. The last time her and I met up, we cried and hugged each other for like 20 minutes. She has a brand new beautiful baby girl with her husband and a new spirit a sense of self. She used the system as a resource to make a better life for her and her children, not to stay stuck. She stayed the course. She didn’t let the twists and turns that life presented, ready or not, stop her.

 A Miracle

      When I was 6 months pregnant with my Son I was in a very bad car accident.  I thought that I was ok even though the next day I would find out that there was a tear in my placenta that was more than likely to end my pregnancy involuntarily because my son would not get the nutrients he needed. After talking to my doctor he said I should go on bed rest and let the pregnancy end itself. I hadn’t felt my son move in a couple of days even though his heart beat was present. I was very depressed and discouraged. I didn’t know how I was going to get through any of what was happening. One peaceful car ride to work had turned into an instant disaster possibly changing my life forever.  I had spoken to many people but I needed the wisdom and insight of my grandmother. My grandmother lived and loved long 82 years of beauty and grace. She never had much schooling but her wisdom and insight stretched way beyond any school. She told me that no matter what happened I had to continue on even though I didn’t feel like it, I couldn’t stay stuck in that painful place.  She also told me that the baby was going to be fine and that my pregnancy was not going to end in 2 weeks. She never believed anything a doctor said anyway of how she grew up with home remedies and very little medical care. She asked me “how was I falling apart and things hadn’t even fell apart yet”?  She told me to keep going to continue to pray, continue on with my plans, and to stay focused.  The following week the doctor had called me in to do another sonogram and after reviewing them several times. They could no longer locate the place where my placenta had torn. He couldn’t understand, he said it was a miracle. Maybe,  but I had taken my grandmothers advice I didn’t focus on any of the outside circumstances, not the accident, not my car, not what doctor’s were saying, not even in how I felt or how I thought. I stayed the course. I asked the Universe for what I needed and that was for my baby to Survive and he did.


The End    
     Without Question there are times when Life’s pressures will knock us down, whether it’s expected or unexpected.  But when we are balanced in whatever our Higher Power is and trust the Universe Life, will never Knock Us Out. Most of all we have to believe in ourselves that a current situation, no matter how bad it is does NOT define us. The crisis that was assigned us does not apply. We have the power to change any situation.  Everyday we have to put on our spiritual Armor and be ready so that Even if we do lose someone or something, family, friends, employment, material things, finances a home, that we are better prepared and we don’t lose our way. We Stay the Course.

Don't Give Up and Don't Give In. Peace, Love, Light and Universal Blessings/Nakia

Surviving The Pain

      I came of age feeling confident and Bright. High School was never a sure thing for me struggling with my Parents divorce and coming of age and being a rebellious teen with a truancy officer.  I still managed to graduate with “Honors” after appealing my 20 something absences. I took college prep courses I never wanted to be a part of the smart crowd so I always went against that and sought comfort in what I considered to be the “cool crowd”. I wanted to take cooking classes and sewing and go to cosmetology school in my senior year my mother would never stand for it.   I never wanted to go to college but my mother always said if you don’t go to college you can’t live here. That was pretty plain and simple cut and dry. My mother was somewhat strict because of her strict upbringing and during the summers I stayed with my grandmother and she raised us the same way. I feared my mother growing up to a certain degree and up until a certain age. Even though at times I know I was unreachable and unlovable she never gave up.  My Mother survived her growing up in the hood and wasn’t going to let poverty, the streets of New York, drugs or any hood mishaps take her life over. She said she always knew she wanted out. Her and my father married right after High School. She wanted the best for my Sister and I and constantly pushed us towards that.   My father’s job relocated to New Jersey and so we moved.  

      I started school at Norfolk State University a Historically Black College at just 17 years old and that's where I started to explore and find myself.  It was an amazing experience but it became too expensive to continue going to school out of state so I finished college In New Jersey. Once I really got into college I realized that I wasn’t there to just earn a degree or add to my resume. I wanted to become proficient in two areas that I was very passionate about. With a undergraduate degree in Psychology and a minor in criminal Justice. I worked in the field for over 12 years, diligently professionally and with Honor.  I gave Birth to my son Joseph when I was 25 and married his father. We were young still inexperienced and somewhat clueless about what it took to maintain a marriage. Later I would learn of my Ex’s addiction to Heroin and him making No honest effort to recover, which would soon start to affect my life in every way. I was Thankful that our Son was small so that I could do what I needed to do Move On.

       My Life had really started to take some twists and turns after My Ex and I’s much needed separation. I was working as a primary counselor in a drug rehab and had 12 very energetic adolescents in recovery who depended on me to lead the way everyday.  I had a new baby and on my own, had just moved into a new apartment where the rent was almost unaffordable; I had to travel to work every day 45 minute commute.  It was just so many obstacles that I had to face. I started to feel bitter and Negative and like I was being sucked into a cycle of loss.  But I was determined that I was going to make it. Even though at times I would think why is all this happening to me? I kept that question in the back of my head while I kept pressing forward. One day another senior counselor and I had lunch together and I just broke down and started crying over lunch Sobs and tears it was a question she asked me that precipitated this.  So she took my hand and said “It does get better you know” she said it will be Okay one day. She said you are one of the strongest Women that I know. I couldn’t see it I couldn’t see how far I had really come in spite of all that was going on.

     Sometimes like my grandfather used to say Life Happens and things that we endure make us feel “Less Than, “Which is exactly what was happening to me.  We start to question ourselves and some of the choices that we made. I had to sit back and look at my achievements opposed to my losses. The achievements were far greater than.  Single parenting is No joke especially when it didn’t start off that way. But I Loved my Son, myself and career far too much to stay stuck with someone who had no intentions on getting better.  No matter how much it hurt.  Its amazing how one person’s bad decisions can affect your life directly and indirectly. I dont know what hurt more to find out My Ex had been struggling with an addiction all of that time or that he didnt believe in me enough after all of the time we had been together to discuss It with me, or better yet maybe me not noticing that something had changed with him. But I was already well trained to know that we don’t make excuses for anyone and I refused to do that.

      But what I did do was renew my attitude about myself. I took charge of my life thoughts and feelings. Once I did that the obstacles in my path turned to dust. I didn’t entertain any lies. When I started graduate school people would say “Girl I don’t know how you do it”? Or how can you do it?. I never believed that hype. My mother kept telling me Go and get it done and we will help you. I let my family be my support system as far my son was concerned and I went back to school and worked full time. I even graduated another program where I received My credential for Family Development Counselor, that took almost a year to complete.  I believed in myself and kept mastering all of the tasks at hand. I had to get out of the funk I was in. I had to believe that I was capable of creating the life that I wanted for myself and my son that was No one else’s Job except my own.

     Even after being faced now in my late thirties with health concerns I still bring the Sunshine wherever I go. I tell people I’m sick they look at me they don’t believe it for one second that I am in pain. People say I smile all the time.  Sometimes I get stuck in my condition but I drag myself right back out. Life is like that, you may not have challenges today but you were surely have them one day. I don’t care who you pray to, where you meditate at, where your church is how much knowledge of self you have. Life will continue to happen. But it’s how you respond to the happenings that make all the difference. You have to go within or go without. I’m old school I pray , I meditate, I am very spiritual, very connected with nature, but I  have never  really been religious but I know that trials will continue to come and so we have to keep on fighting the Good fight. We have to trust our Higher Power whatever that may be and the Universe for what we need.

I had to believe that there was nothing that I had dreamed about that was too good to be True that couldn’t come to pass in spite of the struggles, strife, changes and continious set backs that life kept presenting. No matter what you have to continue to believe in yourself even when No one else believes. You would be surprised how well you can Survive until its time.

Peace, Love, Light and Universal Blessings

Notes On Self Love

Notes on Self Love

Self Love is one of the major things we need to accomplish on our Journey to Self Mastery. Self Love is the beginning of being able to give love to others.  I was always raised with such pride and dignity to Love My Skin, Love My Hair, Love my curves to Love me. But often times we place ourselves in situations that create unloving atmospheres and challenge our ability to Love ourselves, making getting back to loving ourselves rather difficult. Such as Abusive relationships, unworthy friends and other unfortunate events that strip us of loving ourselves. I myself have been a victim of all of the above.

My last earth shattering experience which is probably a whole other blog in itself reminded me of how far from Self Love I had really been removed. My relationships suffered and most of all I suffered.  One of the things I had to keep doing as I kept restoring Love within me was Be Good to myself. We have to realize that we can’t count on anyone else to do that for us. I spend so much time trying to be a Good Mother, Daughter, Sister, Lover, Aunt, friend all of my energy goes outside of me and flows to others, and while I need to fulfill all of those roles and many of us do, if we are not careful we will be left empty on the inside. We have to remember to “Fill Us”.  Usually a Sister can’t go to anyone and say Can you take care of me for awhile? We usually ARE the caretakers of the family, friends etc.

     I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year along with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. For those who don’t know what fibromyalgia is its wide spread muscle and Joint pain and fatigue along with many other symptoms.  I went a whole year before that in chronic pain and tired all of the time and depressed.  While I considered myself to be fighting pain, I was losing the battle on depression. I was also in an ongoing battle getting the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. For the first time in my life my health was compromised. I felt a sense of relief once I was diagnosed because now I knew what was wrong. But one thing my specialist did say to me was take care of you, be good to yourself. Make sure you have what YOU need. Those words really stayed with me.  

Now I make honoring myself an everyday ritual in my life. I make a commitment to Love and care for myself every single day. It makes it that much easier to get out of the bed in the morning. Self Love is like discipline it will keep you honoring your health. It will keep you from entering wrongful relationships, it will help you refuse people that constantly move you away from your purpose, and it helps us make better choices on the whole. When we are loving ourselves we are concerned about our future and our children’s future. We are not going from Lover to Lover, abuser to abuser Situation to Siuation that bring drama and chaos to our lives. Self Love stops that Self Hate, those Self Limiting practices.  To choose to Love ourselves is always a conscious decision.

I remember when I used to equate buying things and shopping and going out and dating to Loving Myself. Shopping and buying things for me always meant trying to fill a void, some space, and some emptiness. I would go from Mall to Mall, club to club, man to man. Instead of me just celebrating myself, like taking a warm bath, burning oil or incense, drinking tea, taking quiet time, turning on my meditation Jazz or my house music, taking time just for me.  It wasn’t my Natural hair, not my clothes, not my shoes or handbag collection but just focusing on Me. See one of the first things we need to do when getting back to self is drop our image and go inward. The outside never matters when the inside is all messed up. Once I got back on my square to really loving myself. All of those behaviors discontinued and I really began to evolve I started to live. I conected with nature more the beautiful things.  Once we start listening to ourselves and honor what we need every single day, our healing can begin.  I had to really look back on those dark places in my past that stole Love of Self from me. I had to look back at all of the times I put myself in a compromising positions. Now it all makes sense. Now especially with my health situation I am proceeding with caution, proceeding with Love.

Take the time each day and congratulate yourself for getting through the day. You deserve it. Showing up to life’s many demands and requests each day is work. Facing and dealing with whatever we are going through each day is work but when we Love ourselves we want to do that. Then we are able to fully Love and support those that Love us.

When we don’t fulfill our spiritual, mental and Physical need for Love, depression and sickness can easily overtake us. You can only be as good to others as you are to yourself. You can only Love another as much as you Love yourself. When you Love yourself, everything else will flow to you in the Form of Love. I promise.