Manhood Piece (wiseservant)

                                  My 9th Manhood development Piece

         Ride with me...

       The reason for the title is that i have written about this more than a few times, have talk, educated, fellowship, cried, hugged, expressed, and contradicted on more than a few occasions. I am a walking paradigm of constant thought on this issue as every day i face a triple consciousness dilemma . Yes i know the Great W.E.B. Dubois termed the concept double conscious ( basically being black in a white world) but I am also muslim in a heightened western world where fear rules. So i am black and muslim in a white world that  literally forces its cultural lens on ones third eye!... so every day i walk this western earth i am reminded of who i am but most importantly want i can not be. the one thing that we have been able to pass down from generation to generation is pain, misery, issues, and sometimes struggle. so how do i become and more importantly not only maintain but excel in my manhood when we live in a hyper masculine society that has also oppressed me. See for so long black men have transferred that oppression from white men in two ways on black woman and children or on themselves....

  let me say this though... being a manhood has a enormous amount of complexities in its development...usually womanhood is deemed complex but the myth is that manhood is not. As a man you have to lead but not too harsh, you have to listen but not too long, you have to act but not too brash, you have to vision but not dream to long, you have to do but don't shot out, you have to communicate but but be clear, you have to be sensitive and find balance for you own inherent aggression. You have to be calm but not too passive, Assertive but not too demanding. confident but not too controlling.... this is the tight rope.... the walk... the balance beam.... to far one way and the negative aspect will have an effect on a loved one or associate. Its such a tug and pull within in manhood, particularly when one denounces the white male standard that symbolizes. This becomes like bile in your soul as you try to rid it from your pores so there can be a healthy balance of manhood represented in your bones...

      One of the biggest mistakes i made was being judgmental... looking at older men in my community, my surrounding, my family and being extremely judgmental.... thinking i am not going to be like that when i get older.... thinking i will not do that when i get older.... not knowing that when you do get older you come across the same pitfalls, the same second guessing.. the same insecurities.. the same demons that you have to fight for they might not be those men who you watch growing up demons but they become your own.. You see children imitate their atmosphere more than they learn from who is there.... this is so true... as you find your self walking the same footsteps as your father... being at the same fork in the road as your grandfather...Then understand the choices they made you may not make those same ones but you understand ....the pressure and stress of American made manhood can crush you at times... and you know what you will always feel your father and grand father inside of you... now imagining feeling that inside of you and not understanding what it is because there where not around...

      Want to know why men leave the women in their lives and their own children? why they don't want to be around the child or be involved in the child's life? its because they cant have the child or woman look at them as a failure. They cant fail !!! For failing in the child's eyes creates damage in a Man... not being able to... and yes its the easy way out and a lot of women don't understand but its that simple.. the best thing i can do for my father now is go and tell him i understand ! when i did that our whole relationship changed, it went from my mother always being in the middle of our dynamic to it being a man on man expression ...

.... i still need to be one though ... be a man.. i need to be listened too.... learned from... respected... i need space and i need to be included... i need to feel i can express my viewpoint and it will be heeded too.... its the balance... its deli cant

i have learned:

1)  when i am with you i must be the best of me and not try to change the worse of you

2)  by being the best of me at all times it will inspire u to change the worst of u

3)  that i must have something in me that is so dynamic that it makes people go wow!

4)  that i must be so humble that it makes people go wow!

5)  that i can always learn even if its from my own children

6)  that there is a place for aggression and a lot of times is not with woman

7)  that there is a place for being sensitive and its sometimes have to be around other men

8)  that manhood is complex and each stage is a serious challenge

9)  that i must have a guide a role model, a man or men in my life that i can imitate when i need to

10)         that my realizing my imperfection is my perfection

11)         that i have to do before i say sometimes and explain what i do a lot of the times

12)         not to take myself so seriously

13)         that i need to bond with other men share expound and cultivate true brotherhood

Luqmon Abdus-Salaam aka btree aka wiseservant aka just a brother who is a poet writer performer educator photoexpressionalist thinker of art and conveyor of creativity and also community organize and does youth development and with all that is striving for all of it is a service
Oh and producer of soon to be released music project BlendedBlue
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